Dealing With Death

Posted on by Samantha Seay

Even though we only discussed it a little bit in class I was really interested in everyone’s opinions on how family’s deal with the death of a close family member when there are young children around.  Its hard to explain life and death to a child and many parents have a hard time figuring out how to introduce death to a child; especially if they aren’t very religious.  How does one introduce God?

I know with my nieces and nephews they were all very young, some not even born yet when their Uncle Shane died.  My sisters had to figure out what they would tell the kids as to where Shane went and what exactly happened to their beloved uncle.  They weren’t going to cut Shane out of their kids lives; they wanted their kids to know the significance of hiking up to his grave in the dead of winter and to know about him, his life and the fact that he loved them all very much.  Their choice was to simple tell them that Uncle Shane went to heaven to be with God.  From that point on the kids have been very smart on the subject and have yearned for more knowledge on heaven and God.  Just the other day Aidan (4) and Brock (6) were having a discussion about a song they knew from Vacation Bible School that said ‘God is timeless and was always around.’  Brock was wondering how God could never die.  And Aidan immediately said, ‘thats cause God is everywhere Brock,’ in his knowing everything way.  These kids are so smart and I learn so much from them everyday.

It seems to me that my sisters chose the best option for our family because we are a large family that likes to tell stories.  We wanted the kids to know who Shane was and to remember him in a great light, not from when he was sick.

How has your family described how death works in your family?

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What kind of family do I have?

Posted on by jessica

After talking about the different types of families over the last few weeks I was trying to categorize my family. I got together with my boyfriend when I was 16 and I’m now 33. We had our first and only child in 2006. We have never been married either and I don’t ever plan on getting married. I have been trying to figure out which type of relationship we have. It is hard to do because relationships change all the time. We have to adapt to so many different things. I was a completely different person before I had our son and so was his father. I think if I were to categorize my family it would end up looking like a long scroll for how many times it has changed.

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Thirty Something

Posted on by gracehanberg

The TV show “Thirty Something” we watched last Wednesday in class really got me thinking about the two main characters, Hope and Michael. I just couldn’t believe that anyone would get married knowingly sharing different religious beliefs without first discussing how they will live with their differences or if one will convert. Religion is a big part of life and peoples identities. Not all, but in most cases it’s easier to live with someone when you share the same beliefs about major topics, not just religion. It seems to me that because Hope was so hesitant about the bris she must have at some point been nervous about their faith differences. Why on earth didn’t they talk about their differences when they were dating? It would be so much easier and stress free if they had, especially before they were married and had a male child. Anybody else get hung up on this?

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ONE MORE religion post

Posted on by Jordan Satterfield

You’re probably all tired of the religion posts by now, but I felt like I would throw in my two cents. I hope not to offend, only to voice my opinion.

I was raised in a household generally lacking in religion, and I’ve grown up to be very areligious, almost vehemently so from time to time. I’m very proud of my beliefs. But I’m also into the idea that everyone can have different beliefs, and as a functioning cog in society, should have different beliefs. That’s what keeps things interesting.

As such, I’ve been thrown a lot of flack for not only my atheism (a classification with certain stigmas nowadays; a result of the reputation for being total assholes no doubt), but for my plans regarding the raising of my children as atheists.

Yes, I 100% respect my future children’s choice to religion, and would be more than happy to welcome new beliefs and ways of thinking into my home. But, unless I go through some life-changing experience that opens my eyes to a religious way of thinking, I will not be responsible for said religion. And I refuse to be insulted by those who follow a religion when my situation is no different.

Honestly, if my child sees no opportunity at home to open up to religion, he or she will have to look elsewhere. I’m certainly not going to raise my children around a belief system that I do not identify with–how will I know how to teach it?

For example, if I happened to think that American-made vehicles are not worth my money (a subject I have little-to-no opinion on, but also a subject that starts a lot of fights), I will probably raise a child who, having listened to me voice my opinions about American-made vehicles, will not like them either.

Likewise, and maybe more extreme, if I happen to be a pro-choice individual, chances are I will raise a child who grows up to be pro-choice as well. Not only do I think this is an inevitable function of parenthood, I happen to think it’s a vital function of good parenting. If the parents are religious folks, I feel like it is not only appropriate, but inherent to their function as parents to raise their children religious. But I am so done with those who do not respect their children’s choices to refuse God (or accept him!).

I’m not mentioning names, but there was a class member last week that inferred that if their child grew up to be an atheist (which, given that student’s religious background, would likely not happen), that it would not be an offense worthy of disownment, but that there would be a distance between them.

First off, your wording made this highly disrespectful comment sound like an insult to all those who live in absence of God. The mere fact that you admitted it might not be a disownable offense insinuates that you do not see that as an unreasonable reaction.

Secondly, I’ll say again what I said then: sounds like your problem. Your child’s religion or lack thereof has literally zero consequence on his or her safety, well-being, or future success. It also has the same effect on yours: none. This stubborn parenting is, I feel, the most prominent reason behind the perpetuation of other evils, such as misogyny, homophobia, and racism.

So no, I’m not going to judge or insult anyone who decides to raise their children with God. Just please don’t judge me for raising mine without him.

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This class made me realize…

Posted on by kinz

After taking this class it made me realize that there is no “perfect family”. We watch t.v. all the time and see family’s that seem to be “perfect”, life is not this way and we cant live life thinking this way. All families are going to have a problem, fight, ups and downs, battles with their children, conflict, rule breaking, etc… whatever it is, you are a family and you can work through it. We cant get down on ourselves because we thought life was going to be a certain way because of what we watch on t.v. or see in someone else life, they are hiding things. You don’t know what goes on behind close doors in families, they can seem ideal but they all have things that they are working through. I have to remind myself this sometimes or I get all worked up about not having a “perfect life”, reality is that noting is perfect!!! So live life and deal with things as they come along!!! :)

 

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Communication and Personal Relationships

Posted on by Shantel Ableman

Now that this course is coming to an end, I want to reflect back on it. When I am with my family I can’t help but think of roles, rules, and traditions. They all stick out to me even though they were there the whole time. I also can’t watch a TV family without doing the same. It’s so interesting to point out class material when watching. We are lucky as communication majors because not only are we learning material that will help us in the work force, but in our own personal/family lives as well. Talking about family conflict was my favorite topic. A question we addressed was Why do we fear conflict? I never really thought of why, but that was a great question. Learning all the ways conflict can be positive made me see it in a different way. I also found the different conflicts and stages of it interesting. The types of conflict I see the most is simple conflict. People fighting over something that is content based. Family stress is also something that I see often. Overall, I learned a lot and will take it with me in my family and  personal relationships.

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Kids and Religion

Posted on by BMorphy

I was brought up in a Methodist church as a child.  We went every Sunday when I was young.  As we grew up and my siblings were older than me we didn’t go as often.  We would still go when we didn’t have sporting events but the times were less and less.  When I was in about fourth grade I started going on Wednesday nights to Odyssey, a church program with, with my best friend.  From there my parents would go on Sundays with me.  This was a Nazarene Church and I did enjoy it.  I went to odyssey for about four years and continued going on Sundays on and off through high school.  Now when I go to church occasionally I go to a generic Christian church.  My boyfriend goes with me and he was brought up in Christian churches as well.  We believe in religion but we don’t have any really strong beliefs.  My parents encourage us to go to church as often as we can.  When I have kids I want them to go to church as well.  My problem with this is that I don’t know very much about the topic.  If they ask why we go I have general answers for them but it is hard to give solid information when I don’t know everything about it.  I think religion is important but going about it the right way is also important.  I feel that I am going to have do some research and learn more about the topic so I can support my kids with their decisions.

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Government vs Birth Control

Posted on by lindseypetroni

I believe we touched on some of the comments made on this topic, from a Republican candidate in class this week, but I thought it would be interesting to go further into it. One woman started asking questions about the government providing aid of some sort for women choosing to use birth control. Apparently this candidate made some extremely inappropriate comments toward the woman and got some much deserved bad press for it. I think this is a great example of where the government should step in. In my mind it is an opportunity to provide protection for woman who could use birth control for multiple reasons.

Some teens or adults start birth control for acne and intense menstrual cycles. I think that it shouldn’t be something that the government requires by any means but could definitely be something that is openly offered. I think that there would be a lot of use of this program for women of all ages that simply want to protect themselves or use it for some of the other benefits. I started talking to my fiance about this and he could not understand why it is something that needs to be provided, but if you look at it as a protection for those who can’t afford it or their insurance won’t cover it, it is a very reasonable and practical option that should be considered.

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BABY’S BRING STRESS

Posted on by kinz
I just read this article online about how life is not going to magically get better right after you have a baby. I know a lot of people think that having a baby is going to bring you and your significant closer together and be as happy as ever, but this article points out that it will bring a whole lot of stress and not make your life as easy as you think it will be. “Experts say that studies have proven the strain a baby’s birth brings to marital quality. Babies raise stress, reduce happiness and otherwise upset the household.” http://www.shreveporttimes.com/article/20120312/LIVING/203100304/Babies-bring-joy-also-family-stress    I think that as a couple you really need to figure out how to deal with your problems and make sure that you really want to be together for the long hall before you have a baby. Life is not going to magically get better bringing a baby into the world. It is going to create more stress on top of the problems that you pushed aside before the baby. You really need to think things out and have a good relationship to bring another life into the world!

 

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Media and Religion

Posted on by Yoko08

As I was reading through some of the posts I couldn’t help but wonder in what way religion is played out through the media. I for one have never been and never tend to be judgmental in any way but I couldn’t help but think how bad Muslims were showed after the 9/11 incident. Their religion was showed as one to look down upon and perhaps be scared of.

This world can be incredibly cruel at times. Just because of the actions that a few Muslim people did doesn’t mean that they are all the same. They should never be treated differently because not everyone is perfect and no one gets to pick what family or religion that they are born into or raised into.

Do you all think that this is one of the only religions that this has happened with? What other religions perhaps?

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Religion and Relationships

Posted on by Becca Harrell

I found the topic of religion and relationships very interesting.  Religion is something that we identify with so much that it is hard to take it away and compromise.  It seems like it would probably be easier if your and your spouses religions are similar, such as different branches of Christianity.  Even that however would probably be difficult to give the religion you know and believe.  But, when the religions are very different such as Christianity and Buddhism it’s harder to reach a common ground.  The question comes down to what religion will you raise your children in if you have them?  As for just the dating world I don’t think the difference in religion is that significant of a conflict … yet.   My boyfriend and I have very different religions, and so far it has not been a conflict.  I like learning about different religions and seeing different aspects.  But when/if things get more serious how do you decide which religion you will practice as a household with a family?  Is it possible to have parents that practice different religions?  I’ve never heard of a family that does this but it could be a possible win-win compromise for the conflict of religion in relationships!

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Religion differences are they ever really solvable

Posted on by Samantha M

With all the talk of religion I started thinking about if it was a solvable conflict or if it was one of those lose-lose compromises. If you share the same beliefs and practice them to the same extent, for example going every Sunday or just on major holidays, then there probably won’t be a ton of issues. But when we start getting into multiple faiths or different levels of practicing there can be conflict, and I’m not entirely sure that there is a win-win situation. Someone is going to be giving something up or have hurt feelings especially with children involved. I don’t know that it is ever fully solved. As a parent if you are a holiday only practicing member and your spouse takes the children every Sunday you will start to have conflicts. The children might ask why they have to go every Sunday while dad only goes on holidays, or the other spouse could feel like you’re not dedicated enough.

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Sappy Post Alert!

Posted on by Azaria Podplesky

Hey all,

So like the title suggests, this is a sappy post. I just wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed reading and sharing these posts every week. At first I thought it would be a little weird to share personal stories with classmates who were essentially strangers but it really has been fun to share some of my family stories and thoughts on communication and personal relationships, as well as hearing your own.

I won’t make this too long so I’ll wrap up by saying thank you for listening and for sharing : )

Have a great break!

Azaria

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The Church Dilemma

Posted on by Azaria Podplesky

I found our discussion on religion and family to be really interesting, as many of you have noted. I grew up with two parents who were both forced to attend church every week as children. When they were older, they decided that while they would support their children’s decision to attend church if we wanted to, they would not force us to attend the way their parents did.

So growing up, my parents always made it clear that if I wanted to go to church, they would support that decision. My three siblings and I appreciated this freedom and have all developed our own relationships, if you will, with religion. I now consider myself to be spiritual, but not necessarily religious.

The point of this post is that even though my family is not religious, we have to almost pretend like we are when we visit my paternal grandparents in California. My grandpa isn’t too bad but my grandmother has been a weekly church goer for years. In fact, she recently posted on Facebook that this Sunday would mark the 16th year she has attended her current church.

Every time we visit, the whole family has to go to church with her on Sundays. We don’t mind it too much, we do get to spend time with her, after all, but at the same time, we wish she would be more accepting of the fact that my family just isn’t as religious as she is.

On one hand, my grandma doesn’t talk about religion when we are outside of church and she doesn’t comment on things we say that may go against her beliefs, which is nice. On the other hand, it is still expected that we will attend church. Has anyone else been at this crossroads?

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Catholic School and Inter-fatih Parents

Posted on by megansolberg

Talking about religion the other day, I started thinking about how I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school, but now I consider myself Christian. From kindergarten through 6th grade, I went to Catholic school and attended mass two times a week. I went to Sunday school, I had my First Communion and I was baptized at only a few months old. The same went for my younger sister and also my mom.

My mom had the typical Catholic family. She was one of 7 kids and she made sure she raised her kids that way too. I didn’t really think about my dad’s position in all of this until we started talking about inter-faith couples in class. I think my parents can definitely be considered inter-faith because my dad wasn’t really practicing any kind of religion when they got married. However, he always went to church with us and my parents were married in a Catholic church. He has always been involved, but never to the extent of my mom. My mom is the one who is more knowledgeable about the faith and my dad respects the morals and values that the Catholic faith has instilled in our family.

When I left Catholic school it was mainly because my parents didn’t want to pay for the Catholic high school and it was on the other side of town. I also wanted to go to public school anyways, so around this time we stopped going to mass and started looking for a nondenominational church. That was when I was 12 years old and we have been going to Valley Real Life ever since.

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babies on drugs

Posted on by jessica

In class we discussed if the authorities should step in or not. Here is my issue…women who continue to have babies that are on drugs and alcohol. Women keep having these babies and they end up being put right into the foster system. I can understand why the authorities can’t step in and force these women to get their tubes tied or be put on some permanent birth control, but why can’t they step in and charge these women. When are women going to be held accountable for carrying a baby. As I see it should be a privilege not just a right. I don’t understand how it is not considered to be child abuse, child neglect or some at the extreme of attempted murder.

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Different Religions

Posted on by jessica

In class we were talking about different religions. My neighbors, who are awesome and I love, are Penticostal. When I asked her about her religion it was cool to see the differences. In her religion she is not allowed to cut her hair, and her hair is extremely long. They are also not aloud to watch television, or wear pants. She can only wear skirts and dresses. Here is the funny thing, when I was over having dinner with her family she was showing me her room and there was a tv in there. It is the only tv in the house and it is hidden in her room incase someone from the church comes over. We have been neighbors for several years and I have never seen her in a pair of pants. Not even that bad winter with the snow a few years back. How hard would it be for you to give up the old television?

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Religion

Posted on by jessica

It is ironic that we were discussing religion in class because my son’s father and I were just arguing about it. I’m Christian and also raise my son to believe in the Christian belief. For the last five years I have been a volunteer at Anna Ogden Hall, which is part of the Union Gospel Mission. If you’re not aware of it, it is all faith-based. My son has been going to the same church (First assemble of God) since he was born. It is my home church. So my son hears of religion from Ogden Hall and from church and of course from me. He is five years old and has so many questions about God, death, angels, so many things that I could not comprehend not being able to answer them through the hands and worship of God.

So here is the argument. My sons father feels that he is not religious and feels that our child should be told that there could or could not be a God. The problem that I have with this is, children get so upset about thinking that their parent’s could be taken away from them and never get to see them again. And their little hearts are so pure and innocent that I don’t get how you could not want to raise your kid without God in it!!

Let me know what you think.

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Tolerance

Posted on by laurenreyes

In class when we talked about religion, which of course brought up the term tolerance. Tolerance, for me, is not enough. You tolerate things, you put up with them. To me tolerance is just avoiding bigotry, so that the individual does not seem intolerant. The fact that religion is such a touchy subject and many people say that they “tolerate” other religions is not something that is good to me.

We shouldn’t be working towards tolerance. We should be working towards understanding and acceptance. Each person is different in their views and we shouldn’t just tolerate that. If there was no diversity in how we thought then life would not be the same and nothing would advance.

Tolerance is not love. It is not an endearing term. You do not tolerate your husband, you do not tolerate your children. You love them. The fact that religion can change that completely baffles me. Religion is a part of who we are and who we aren’t and just because we believe in different things doesn’t mean that we have to shy away from it.

We can’t just tolerate each other if we hope to move forward. When we think of religions other than our own, we often think of the extremes (Mormons are all polygamists, Christians just want to save everyone, etc.) and to get away from that we need to not just tolerate them. We must seek to understand them. Being set in your ways and allowing the other people to practice their religion does not promote a healthy world, learning about the religion and seeking to accept them for what they believe will.

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Holidays and Church

Posted on by Kaitlyn

Just last night my boyfriend and I were discussing if I would attend Easter mass with him. He was raised Catholic and his family believes it is very important for him to attend church whenever he is home. While my family occasionally went to a nondenominational church when I was younger, we have never been very religious and have different traditions on holidays. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend that I don’t have a problem with going to church with him, I just feel uncomfortable going to the Catholic church. I went with him and his family a couple of summers ago and felt that I was looked at differently because I didn’t know the rituals and had to do the communion differently than everyone else because I had not gone through first communion. I want to make my boyfriend and his family happy, but at the same time I felt so out-of-place I really would like to never go again. I know that as Easter gets closer we will be having more discussions about me going to church with him. In the past I have been able to avoid his church on holidays, but I feel like I should go with him to show my appreciation for his religion. I am just never sure how to express my discomfort to him, when he has been Catholic since he was born.

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